Baby Shower for Kai (part 2)

Our wonderful friends from the Freshwater group also gave us a baby shower for Kai on the same day- later that night!  (Kai really made off that day)  We had a great turnout with wonderful conversation, and Ray was finally able to meet all of my adoption support friends!  We had a great time!

 Kai’s cake was extremely appropriate for our growing little family!  Our friends know how much we love Disney and can’t wait to take Kai on our first family vacation (of sorts)- where else but to Disneyland Hong Kong!  We will have to see how that turns out ;) Kai’s waiting friends were extremely generous.  He left with a car seat, high chair, clothes, books, dress up clothes (with matching dinner set with cowboys!!!!!) and ………. a double stroller! Ever since I have been welcomed into the Freshwater group I have been made to feel welcome and a part of the group.  I know that I have little to offer other than my optimism and excitement but they love and accept me anyway. I do know that there will be more strings once Kai is home ;0)  I have already been warned about the never ending play dates, birthday parties, and of course the Tuesday evening meetings- wait where is the catch?  Oh yeah…there isn’t one.

I love you guys and I can’t wait for Kai to come home and meet all of his wonderful new friends!  Thank you for all of the support!  This baby shower is just one more thing that I can add to my long list of reasons to be grateful that I was prompted to go the the quilt shop that day to meet Peggy.  I am, and always will be, thankful to God for my overflowing glass of Freshwater! 

The ups and the downs- a long day

So we got our invitation to fingerprint for the I800A on Wednesday (yesterday) with an appointment day for the 30th of this month.  We decided that with all that we have going on in our preparations that this date was incredibly far away.  My husband called the number at the bottom of the invitation (that is only for Hague families) and explained our situation.  He was informed that we needed to go to the local office, find a staff member, explain our “special situation” and see if they would take mercy on us and allow us to fingerprint early.

This is where I have to insert that all of the prayers that you guys have been sending up for us must have worked to soften the hearts at the immigration department.

When we arrived, the security guard was a little short with us- very quick to point out that our appointment was not until the 30th.  We explained that we had been in contact with the customer support number and they suggested that we come down to speak with someone in person.  He mumbled something about them trying to tell the local offices how to do their jobs and made a phone call to “the back”.  Soon a supervisor came to talk to us and allowed us to tell her our “situation”.  After a glance at a couple of pictures (wink) and a few minutes of explanation- we were allowed to “sit right there in these chairs and we will see if we can fit you in”.  I happily told her that we had brought provisions to camp out the whole day if necessary, and that we would do whatever she needed us to.

After only an hour and a half wait- we were getting our fingerprints done!  They had someone reschedule and had no problem working us in! –AS A SIDE NOTE- While waiting Ray and I distinctly heard Disney music coming from the direction of the finger printing office.  I can pick out the music from Cinderella almost anywhere.  How can you not take that as a good sign ;-)

Once we arrived home I was able to finish putting the remaining documents (minus the 797) in the mail for Colorado.  All of our dossier (minus the 797) is now in the hands (almost) of CCAI.  This again was a huge relief.  Every time we can check something off the list- it feels like one step closer to our big journey!

After lunch I gave the customer service number a call to see if our fingerprints had been processed already.  This was the suggestion given to my husband yesterday when he originally called.  He was told to call back to see if our case could be expedited due to our “special situation”.  The nice lady on the other end of the phone asked if I could get a letter from a doctor to support our need which I informed her wouldn’t be a problem.

They had the letter faxed to them within the hour.  I was then told that our situation wasn’t special enough and we would have to wait like everyone else.  I was heart broken!  This is where the day got longer.  We had been trying so very hard to make sure that all of the paperwork would be ready to go to China on my birthday (if not a couple days later).  Ray had even planned to fly down to Houston to get the 797 finished same day to speed things up.  Now we are looking at the 797 not being ready for 2 to 2 1/2 weeks.

I know that I should be ecstatic over the fact that the kindness of our local office shaved about that much time off of the wait (fingerprints done today instead of June 30th), but I can’t help but feel frustrated that the time line is still so long.  I know that in the bigger scheme of things- 2 weeks is not that big of a deal, but today it feels like it.  After all of the set backs with the home study- we wanted something to go smoothly.  I know that is a lot to ask for when so many government agencies are involved, but a girl can dream can’t she.

I do have to give a big thanks for all of the prayers and well wishes right now!  We would not be doing as well as we are without them!  I do believe with all of my heart that we were able to get our fingerprints done today because of all of the prayers.  Thank you and keep them coming!  I believe in the power of prayer and I am sending lots up for you guys as well. 

I try to remind myself just how incredibly blessed I am.  I know that without a doubt!  I have an awesome supportive husband that is there for me every step of this journey.  I have an awesome family that is there to listen to me and provide constant support.  I have an amazing support system in the Freshwater ladies (I could never say enough about this group of women!)  My blessings are what get me through this emotional roller coaster called adoption.  Thank you a million times over!

This week in review

This week I was able to meet with the Fresh Water ladies again, and I will never be able to explain how valuable the new found friendships in this group have already been and will continue to be.  This week there were just two other ladies when I arrived at Panera.  Another lady joined us about an hour into the get together.  We had a great discussion about CCAI and why we chose them as an agency, and all of the fun that we will have once we go to China. 

After my culture shock from visiting China town, it was a relief to know that I really am worrying over nothing.  We will have a guide with us all of the time and if our friend Diana goes with us we will have a friend that speaks Mandarin fluently.  I did get the funny feeling that I will be sent with a shopping list when we go though;-) I was told that the only regret that both women had on their first trip was that they didn’t buy enough- a fact that was remedied by both women on their next trip. 

One idea that was talked about that I love is the idea of buying a present to give to our child every year either on their birthday or gotcha day.  Nothing big- a little trinket.  One of the ladies got a jade key chain for her child’s 16th birthday. I think that this is awesome!  Embracing their heritage and culture but in a way that works for us.

We also talked about the little girl that was on the CCAI website and the heart break from my experience.  Each of the women had experienced similar things (not for the same reason) and said that in hind sight it helped to prepare them for meeting their child.  I hope that is the case, however, her profile is still on the website.  I CAN’T wait to be 30!  How often do you hear that?

I really need to start a notebook for all of this great advice and suggestions.  With the wait that we are preparing for I may have forgotten everything that they have passed on.  The stress from this part of the process is enough to make me feel like I have lost my brain most days.  I am so glad that my husband is so understanding!

My Week

This week has been full of ups and downs.  The beginning of the week I was involved with a Pediatric Advanced Life Support class (PALS) for my job.  While I was there I had the wonderful opportunity to meet a lady named Toye (for my family this is even more ironic because that is my maiden name).  She is also adopting from China and has a Logged in Date (LID) of March 2006. (http://www.madisonryleejourney.blogspot.com/)  This means that she will be receiving her match VERY soon.  The last round of placements for our agency were through the LID of March 8th.  I really think that she will be in the next round of matches!  How exciting!

I actually didn’t even get to meet her until the second day of the class.  We both had so much to talk about once we were introduced that I wish that we had met sooner.  No big deal though- she works in the same hospital as I do, and we have swapped info now.  I have also asked Peggy from the Freshwater ladies and she has given me the okay to invite her to the get togethers on Tuesday night.  I made a new friend this week!

Paperwork went to the Houston Consulate this week.  It is not the full bunch that will eventually clear this consulate but it feels like I am getting SOMETHING done.  Positive side- our home study is THIS coming Wednesday!

The down part of the week was another wake up call for me in this crazy process.  I keep forgetting that I really can’t do anything until this magic birthday coming up.  In Chinese adoption the magic birthday is 30.  I guess I should be dreading this number as I know some of my friends have, but for me it is quite the opposite.  Until I am 30 we can not send in a Letter of Intent or LOI.  I learned this hard fact this week.

I was checking up on my Yahoo discussion group when someone posted that there was a new profile on the waiting child website.  Since CCAI is able to match most of the profiles that they receive, most of the children will NEVER make it to this page.  I decided that I would go take a peek for fun.  I was hit like a ton of bricks when I gazed on her beautiful little face.  HOW in the world did THIS baby make it to the website?

I have looked at hundreds of profiles on some shared list sites and NEVER have I had such a strong feeling over a child and the short profile listed.  The medical needs were not ones that my husband and I had checked on our profile, but the more that we looked at her adorable photo the more my heart ached for her.  My husband (who is taking longer to educate on some of the medical needs) even said things like “she is a girl- she can grow her hair longer to cover her partially formed ear”.  “Well she is already getting treatment for her club feet.”  “I know plenty of people with partial hearing loss that have no problems.”  HOW DID SHE MAKE IT TO THIS LIST? 

My husband soon said to email CCAI to get more info, so I did just that.  I even woke up the next morning and called the waiting child contacts at CCAI to see how this worked since I had never asked for more info on a child.  I was told that since they have gone through all 250 + profiles to find a match and had been unsuccessful with finding the right fit- now it was based on first come= first to view the full profile.  I was told that there had been a fair amount of interest shown for this young lady and that the list was getting longer all morning.

The next part of the conversation was the hardest for me.  I asked if it would be a problem that we were having home study issues.  “oh no- not a problem.”  Will it be a problem that my birthday isn’t until June 22?  “Let me find out.”

When Sarah got back on the phone the first words out of her mouth were, “well I have bad news.”  That is never a great opener.  Since we are not ready to send in a LOI, we have to be moved to the bottom of the list to view her full profile.  SO- basically, because I am not yet 30- too bad so sad.  She is ready to be adopted.  She is ready for a family that can submit a LOI.  Right now we don’t meet those qualifications. 

I just need to stay away from the profiles until June

On the positive side (because there has to be one) it did open up dialog between my husband and myself.  We have now added club foot and partial hearing loss to our check list.  With this heart break it has opened our eyes to more things that we feel we can handle.  Somewhere out there is OUR little one.  We still need to make ourselves ready for him/her.

The Freshwater Group

So I told you guys about my great day I had recently with meeting a new friend that shares a love for beautiful babies from China.  Well last night I got to go to my first gathering of the “Freshwater” girls. (I will have to find out where the name came from)  What an amazing group of women!!!!!!  I was almost overwhelmed with all of the support, instant friendship, and LOTS of advice.

I did NOT feel like an outsider even for a second.  The ladies took turns introducing themselves to me and gave me a chance to talk about my situation and experiences so far.  I was told repeatedly that I was a welcome member of the group, shown beautiful family photos (you know the ones that are on your phones and in your wallets), and encouraged to consider adding some “identified medical needs” to the list I already have.  Each mom was an advocate for the special needs of her child.  I tell you what- I am almost ready for a baby that is deaf with skin problems, cardiac problems, cleft lip and palate, and an imperforate anus. (maybe I should take it slow though and stick to what I have for now ;-)

I did learn a lot about the differences in how my adoption agency (CCAI) and how the majority of the ladies agency (Dillon International) does child matches and referral's.  The shared list was a big hot topic.  I knew that I was seriously lacking in experience and knowledge with some of the questions that they asked me, but it was a good educational experience- even in just figuring out what I don’t know and what I need to research further. 

I also figured out last night that the thing that is going to keep me from an earlier child match will be myself.  ALL of the other women there last night have bio kids.  They had the ability to have little ones right from the start- so to them- getting a little bit older child is no big deal (less time in diapers).  I want the experience with a little one.  I may only wait for the little one once, so I want it to be the first experience and not when there is another kiddo tugging on my leg wanting attention.  I want to be able to see SOME of the firsts even though I will still miss some of the true firsts.

I guess one of the biggest things that I learned last night is that I am my own worst enemy in the fight with the calendar and this ache in my heart.  I hope that I have the strength to endure this process and come out on the other side what I expect to see.

Above all that happened last night was the most amazing feeling of belonging.  I fit in with these women- regardless of personality and style.  I felt like I was welcome and an active part of the gathering.  Thank you for being more of a support to me than I am sure any of you realized!