At the airport

As I type this, we are sitting in the airport in OKC!! We are finally on our way to China.  I have to admit that I am scared to death, excited beyond belief, nervous to the point of almost vomiting, running on very little sleep, repeating check lists in my head-certain that I forgot something, and just ready to get on the plane!

I have so many thoughts running through my head.  Will I be a good parent? What are we getting ourselves into? How is Kai going to take this HUGE change in his little life?  How am I going to screw this up?

BUT…. the most overwhelming thought that I have is of that adorable little face.  The one that will look up at me very soon and within time will be calling me mama.

The reassuring thought that God has a plan for me and our new little family pulls me through- through the door of my house to the airport.  All of the pieces fit together in just such a way to make sure that I am sitting here next to my best friend as we start this journey to our family beginning.  If the consulate had taken another couple of weeks or the Chinese government had taken their time-I may have not been able to make this trip.  GOD IS GOOD!

I still can’t believe that in less than one week I will be holding that precious little boy!  He may be kicking and screaming as I am crying my eyes out, but I will be holding on to the real thing!  We welcome your prayers for a quick transition and for his heart to be prepared to receive us as his parents.

Thank you to everyone that has been our support thus far in the process!  We love you guys!

We got our Consulate Appointment!

We are officially leaving on Tuesday for China!  We finalized our plane tickets just about an hour ago after a day full of negotiations and phone calls.  BUT all that to say…. Kai we are coming sweet heart!

Just in case you forgot how incredibly cute he is!

Now we just have to pack and let these last couple days pass until we can board that plane.  Excited doesn’t even begin to describe what I feel today!  I will be holding my little man one week from Monday!  I will get to kiss his little cheeks and touch his soft hair.  I will get to feed and care for him for the rest of his life! AND it all starts a week from Monday- or I guess it really starts on Tuesday when we get on that plane!

An overwhelming feeling

As things get closer to travel I can’t help but feel overwhelmed.  As I drive home from work at 11:30 at night, I wonder if he is being laid down for his afternoon nap.  Does he nap well or does he lay in his bed and cry?  Does he get rocked to sleep, or do they lay him down and close the door?  Does he know that his mommy and daddy are coming for him?  Do they show him the picture book of all of the family pictures that we sent in his care package?  Does he have any idea what is about to happen to him?

I know that I will never get answers to these questions.  All that I can do is work on getting ready for our travel approval (TA) to arrive.  When it does arrive a whole new set of questions and fears will wash over me I am sure.

All that we need is that stinking TA.  When we get that phone call I can actually start making concrete plans for us.  For now everything is tentative.  I can’t give work concrete timelines because we don’t have them.  I can’t give my family and friends our travel dates (that they keep asking for) because we don’t know them. 

I would love to have an answer to ANY question right now (including my name most days).  All that I really know is that I HATE THIS WAIT!  IT STINKS!!!

Come on TA!!!!!!!

Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is not my favorite day.  Ray and I have been married for 7 years.  Next month I will turn 30.  This whole becoming a mother thing was not supposed to be so difficult.  You come off birth control and voila- your pregnant.  Not so much for us.  I had a little melt down.  I was supposed to be a mother by 30 but instead I am waiting ever so patiently (not really) for my 30th birthday to arrive so that my paperwork can go to China.  So that I can ask about profiles and look at pictures again.

A friend at work told me that her music minister was especially sensitive to this very important group of women on Mother’s Day.  He and his wife had had lots of trials with pregnancy (multiple miscarriages) before becoming parents.  He recounted to the congregation the many Mother’s Days that were tear filled and full of grief.  He sent out a special prayer and call for prayer for all of those that Mother’s Day was hard for.  That is what I want this post to reflect.

I love my mother and my sisters who are mothers.  I love the fact that I WILL be a mother someday.  All I know is that for right now- my arms are empty and my heart aches.  Please pray for and remember all of us women whom Mother’s Day is difficult for.